Death Penalty69
01-31-2014, 05:35 PM
Beneath Your Porch

An awkward lass by the name of Jen walks these steps every morning.
I remain hidden in the bushes, until her brisk footsteps trigger a warning.
I document her outfits, hairstyles, posture, and expressions.
And with each encounter, I drown in her flawless impressions.
Her legs, as soft and dainty as the sky, resemble Bambi from the womb.
This beautiful sight, I shall carry to my tomb.

Your minimalist porch gleams below the California Sun.
Nostalgia bursts from its veins, at the rate of a tommy gun.
It marks the peaks and valleys of your great existence.
And below it, you'll find our love within a short distance.

Ignore my lurking beneath your porch.
Our love shall thrive like a cavern torch.
Let our awkward natures combine like sperm and egg.
We shall ambush the world, and set fire to its powder keg.

Alas, my whispers beneath your porch fall upon unknowing ears.
Let my wretched soul harbor our pure love for thousands of years.
I shall remain in the bushes of your manor until the end of time.
Look beneath the porch, and you shall find my love, purely sublime.


Any tips I could use?

Darth Revan
02-17-2014, 08:26 AM
.... Ok... judging from the content material... You have issues.

Death Penalty69
02-17-2014, 07:05 PM
.... Ok... judging from the content material... You have issues.

This subtopic is called "Original Fiction and Poetry". Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.


Darth Revan
02-17-2014, 11:47 PM
Don't tell me what the subtopic for this forum is, I've been here far longer than yourself and I've posted my fair share of original fiction here over the years before this subforum died. I object strongly to it's content material. Stalking a person with obsessive and rape undertones. I take personal offense to this as my girlfriend was stalked and raped six years ago! So to expect me to say this is great and endorse it, is foolish.



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