02-07-2007, 12:26 AM
Yeah so like, years ago I used to write Vampire vs. Slayer fiction stories for this one other forum. It eventually went from a one-time short story to a monthly- to bi-monthly series. I thought I'd bring the pilot here for anyone who likes this kinda stuff. Warning: contains some violent material.


vs_church: Requiem

Pain. Pain was the only feeling in my mind, overrunning it like some mad stampede. I fought back the urge to release the tears from my tired, lightly-swollen eyes. I was on the verge of collapsing, and in a church, of all places. Only a few moments ago, one of the vampires we had been tracking had taken a swipe at me. Had it not been for Father Anderson, I�d probably be dead right now. Kelly had grabbed me by the shoulders and dragged me to a confessional booth. She sat me down on the floor of the booth gently, then slowly opened the curtain, as if to survey the area. At that moment, I thought I heard a male scream�
I didn�t know if Father Anderson was still alive. The gash on my forehead invited a massive headache into my already fleeting mind. I still wondered if he was okay. I looked at Kelly, holding her Excalibur Vixen crossbow close to her chest. She was breathing heavily; no doubt dragging my injured carcass to this booth had exhausted her. I felt bad for her, but nowhere near as bad like how I felt for Father Anderson. If he was dead or dying, he�d pretty much sacrificed himself for me. I tried hard to ignore the pain, but it wasn�t working. I decided to try to talk to Kelly. �Hey, you see Father Anderson anywhere?� �I think he retreated somewhere else besides here�� ��God, I hope so�� I remembered thinking at that moment, Had Kelly lied to me? Had she known Father Anderson�s fate but instead lied to me to spare me the guilt? I wanted to question her more, but the pain was getting to me. I sighed. Sure could use a perkoset right about now. �You nuts? Those pills are dangerous as hell.� What the�? Had I said that out loud? I looked at Kelly; she was looking straight at me.
All I could muster was, �Huh?� �You were talking about perkosets. Those are bad for you.� �Oh�well, yeah, but lookit me now�I�m bad. Badly hurt, that is�� Kelly looked out the booth again. �Try not to talk, Billy. Just rest up.� I sighed again. It sounded quiet outside. Kelly tooka step out the booth. �Be back in a second,� she whispered. I nodded slowly in acknowledgment. She crept out of the booth, keeping her head low and checking every possible angle. I sincerely hoped she would be all right. My eyes felt heavy. I wanted to sleep so badly. Never in my entire life had I been so friggin� tired. I mustn�t sleep. I thought. The darkness in the booth was consuming me. I can�t�.just�cant. I wasn�t sure how long I was out, but I was awoken by a very loud high-pitched scream. I looked about the booth; Kelly hadn�t come back yet. No. Oh, please God, NO. I fored myself up to my feet. I felt slightly dizzy; guess I stood up too quickly, and this wound sure as hell wasn�t helping any. I felt like I was on spaghetti legs. Damn�wish I had a weapon. At least I�d go out putting up some kinda fight. I thought that over. Christ almighty. I don�t wanna friggin� die. I hobbled over to the booth�s curtains where Kelly had just been standing before me a short while ago. That was when I stepped on something.
Looking down, a dull shine emanated from under my sneaker. I bent over slowly to pick it up; it was a small handgun. From the etching, I was able to determine that it was an H&K P7M10 with 40. caliber Smith and Wesson rounds loaded.

More than just decent stopping power, I thought. Sure as hell kicks a nine millimeter�s ass. A round had already been chambered. It was not light but not too heavy either. I liked the feeling of the cold steel in my hands. I grinned arrogantly and yanked back the curtain of the booth, ready to blast any bloodsuckers that dared to get in my way. I was greeted by silence and a gentle wind. Nothing moved. A hole in the once majestic ceiling allowed me to bathe in the pure moonlight. I almost felt at peace. I heard a wolf howling in the distance; I made my way to the front door. Surprisingly, they were still shut. I turned for brief second to glance at the altar; the Holy image on the stained glass struck me with its crisp, pure beauty. It seemed to be the most beautiful thing in here, amidst all this bloodshed and death. All this fighting�all these battles�all to uphold what this image stands for. God help my soul, I thought. Help me get through this nightmare. I pushed the front doors open.
They emitted a loud, creaking sound. It made me cringe. Besides that, everything was still quiet. Too quiet; I didn�t like it one damn bit. Pressing myself against the cold stone wall, I moved as quietly as possible towards the side of the church. I watched for vampires at every angle possible. It was starting to get cold. Damned weather, I thought. There was a corner coming up. I wonder if�I slowed my approach. Who knew what could be around that corner. I took a long, deep breath and rounded it.
Oh, NO. The sight that greeted my eyes made me freeze in place, and my heart crack into pieces. Kelly was on the ground, pale as snow and blood everywhere. At first I couldn�t see a wound, but upon closer inspection, I saw that her neck and lower chest had been bitten. Her flat stomach had been slashed by one of the vampire�s claws. I felt a severe pain in my throat as I checked her up close. Dear Lord, I thought. Why? At that moment, I felt the coldest chill run down my spine and my body turning to ice as something happened. Sound. Music. Music? Music was playing, and it sounded like organ music. The church? I looked at Kelly while the music played. Tears were about to come from my eyes but this time I wouldn�t fight them back. I just looked at her.
She was lying on her stomach, head turned towards the side, but her face was difficult to see, as she had been slain in the shadows of the monstrous hedges that surrounded the church. I thought to myself, maybe it would be better if I didn�t see her face. I�d probably come apart if I did. Tears fell from my eyes and landed on her back. �I�m sorry�� I whispered to her. �I�m so sorry.� I said a quick prayer for her and got back up. About 2 yards away from her fallen form was her crossbow; the stake-arrow was still loaded. Blast it. She didn�t even get a shot in. The bastard musta have ambushed her real good. I put the H&K pistol in my belt carefully and grabbed the crossbow. �I�ll get him for you,� I told Kelly.
The music continued to play; it was making me very uneasy. Damn it. I was feeling rage swell up inside of me. I want the vampire who killed her, and I want the slime ball NOW. I held the crossbow in my left hand and took the H&K pistol from under my belt and held that in my right hand. I won�t accept failure; I am going to kill this piece of crap. I moved quickly back towards the doors of the church. They were still wide open. I scanned what I could from the outside; still seemed clear. I went in. Nothing but the music. I was looking about the entire room, double-checking for vampires who could be hiding on the beams, or in the rows of benches. The balcony that had the organ was a flight up. I headed for the west side of the building; the confessional booth where I had spent my last moments with Kelly was on the east side. The doors were there as well; I could feel my senses sharpening up again. I felt more awake and aware than before.
The stairs curved towards the right, and blindly. Disadvanage for me, I thought. But I have to see what is causing the organ to play, although I hada pretty good idea what it was�I went up the stairs, crossbow leading me up. The music was hauntingly beautiful, but just the fact that it should NOT have been playing was what made me sort of despise it. So far there weren�t any unexpected surprises during my trip on the stairs. I arrived on the balcony. A massive pipe organ stood before me; and before that was a chair which looked more like a throne. If anyone was playing it, they�d be seated in that thing, for sure. I slowly approached it; I saw arms in black sleeves stretched out, hands protruding from them stroking the keys of the organ. The hands were gloved as well. The organ stopped. When I got to see who it was, I almost fainted. It was Father Anderson.
�Oh my God, Father Anderson�?� I said weakly. I looked at his face. It was in the shadows because of the organ�s towering form. �Yes�� �Are you all right?� �Yes�I�m fine�� �Oh, I�m glad�Kelly�She�s�� That was when he screamed and lunged for me. I saw gleaming white coming from his mouth; FANGS. I tried to dive out of his way but instead rammed myself into the unforgiving stone wall, left shoulder first. I hollered in pain; the crossbow fell to the ground. �NO!� Father Anderson was a vampire, and now he was after me. He moved extremely quickly, but I managed to concentrate and aim the P7M10 pistol at him. I fired 3 rounds. The first one missed; the second hit him in the ribs. He hissed angrily. The third hit his neck. That seemed to anger him even more. �CRAP!� I screamed, and I scrambled to get my crossbow back. He was still in pursuit of me, but I was lucky as the devil and somehow dodging every single one of his lunges.
I got the crossbow in my hand, and was about to make a break for the stairs when I realized, he would catch me there, somehow. I decided on something insane; I went over to the balcony�s ledge and dropped my pistol and crossbow. I prayed hard that the crossbow wouldn�t fire; I then leaped over the ledge myself. I held on until I felt Father Anderson�s hand grab one of mine. I let go and fell; I did my best to shift my body in the air so I would land back first instead of leg first so I wouldn�t break my legs. The fall was so ridiculously fast; I slammed into the ground below on my side, and I felt at least two ribs crack. Well, I lucked out, I thought. Better my ribs than my back�I got up and felt the pain. I pushed the sensation away and concentrated on the task at hand. I went to reclaim my weapons; they weren�t far off. I got them back into my trembling hands and saw Father Anderson leaping off the organ balcony like a fearless stuntman.
I moved away from him towards the altar as fast as I could. He came after me. I kept the crossbow out of sight; hopefully he�s not too fixed on it. This is my ace in the hole. He growled like a beast as he started to sprint towards me as I watched him from the altar, keeping my thoughts and feelings on him. I must kill him. It�s either him or me, and I ain�t just going to surrender my life. I�ll fight first. I was backed up into the corner of the altar; I crouched down and groaned in pain loudly. I would try to catch Anderson off guard. Make him think that the fall I took had taken more out of me than it actually had. The pain was severe, indeed, but if I could keep moving, than it wasn�t all that bad. I watched as Father Anderson leaped up and onto the altar level where I was. His face was totally not of the man I knew tonight. The humanity was all gone.
I feigned more weakness to him; �No, stay away!� He grinned and said nothing. He was about 15 feet away from me. I needed him closer so I could get a good vantage point of his heart, where I was planning on firing the stake-arrow. I felt more anger inside me. He killed Kelly. Wait, is that true? I had no idea what made me think that, but it was what I needed to keep my concentration and focus razor sharp. He was walking towards me now. 10 feet. NOW. I lifted the H&K pistol and fired some more rounds at him; they tore into his legs, stomach and one even got him in the head, but he kept coming. He became enraged and started moving fast again. That was when I dropped the pistol, took the crossbow with both hands, aimed for his chest, and fired.
The silent shot flew; I had instinctively closed my eyes, just in case I had screwed up and was about to die. The pistol was out of ammo and I had no more stake-arrows. I would have been dead anyway, but at least I tried. I still felt myself here. I opened my eyes; Father Anderson stood before me, the stake lodged into his heart. A perfect shot. His mouth wide-open, and blood erupted from it as he screamed. His body exploded into little bits of gore. He was exterminated. I picked the pistol back up and put it in my pocket. I walked slowly off of the altar, towards the doors and back towards Kelly�s body. I picked up her body and went back towards the car she had driven earlier. I would bury her, take some time to recover and then come back to find the vampire who turned Father Anderson and had possibly killed Kelly. I felt nothing but pain, but it was a more welcome feeling than the sorrow and anguish inside me for the loss of such a great female slayer and friend. One thing was for sure, this wasn�t over. Not until this bastard was dead.

The End�

�for now.

Originally written in January, 2004.

03-26-2007, 01:39 AM
I couldn't be bothered to read all of that, but I'll consider concentrating on it another time.

It's fine, I suppose.

03-27-2007, 09:53 PM
I didn't read terribly much of it either. That's not due to a lack of interest. I would have read more if the narrative and dialogue had been broken up into seperate paragraphs, but as it is I've only glanced through it as found it hard to take all the information in.

To be honest, from what I've read, I think that the way in which that was written could have been alot better. IMO a more economical use of words, and further use of character dialogue, as opposed to some of the indirect speech you've used there, would have given the story a stronger sense of pace, and injected more life into the characters. The grammar and spelling could also do with improving, as could the sentence structure.

I would suggest that you consider ways of polishing your style. It's always worth studying the works of published authors to get a better idea. Don't stop writing, but use the knowledge to think of how you could further improve your work.



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