Yoosei
03-29-2007, 03:58 PM
well I have some poems already that I would like to show. for now I will show you one only.. I will show the others soon. :P

*****************

Whenever you will shed a tear
Remember that I will be near
To wipe the tear from your face
And hold you close on an embrace.

I want to see a smile crossing your lips
I don�t want anymore sorrow nor tricks.
Let your hurting memories on the past
And don�t worry as they won�t last

Don�t forget I will be by your side
To protect you when problems arise
I want you to forget your darkest wish
As I know you didn�t even want to exist

I will always be close to your heart
Even when we will be miles apart
I have to admit I never felt so alive
Since a really long time

Prak
03-29-2007, 04:34 PM
Don't try to write poetry in English when your English is poor.

Yoosei
03-29-2007, 05:03 PM
then why don't you point out my mistakes instead of saying my English is poor?

Prak
03-29-2007, 06:10 PM
Because your grammar is fundamentally flawed. Focus on perfecting the language before trying to do anything artistic with it.

Yoosei
03-29-2007, 08:18 PM
I will say again... why don't you point the errors I made then? if you don't point them out is because neither you see any errors there and you are just messing with me.

Angel_sweetie
03-30-2007, 07:06 PM
I don't see any mistakes. I think its great ^__^

Mr.Hazard
03-30-2007, 07:09 PM
Now that's what I call a fucking poem, despite it was nothing more than mediocre.

If poems don't have to rhyme, everything might as well be a fucking poem like this sentence. :P

Zulu
03-30-2007, 07:37 PM
Okay, I didn't quite like the poem, and let me tell you why:

First of all, the sentimental bullshit has been done to death, and it's simply not a credible subject to write about anymore; second, it doesn't have any punctuation or commas; third, it's structure is flawed and needs to be corrected.

There's this common belief that poems have to rhyme, which is simply not true. Poems are nothing more than thoughts and feelings.

Mr.Hazard
03-30-2007, 08:02 PM
I just happen to like those that rhyme. A preference.

Prak
03-30-2007, 08:22 PM
I don't see any mistakes. I think its great ^__^

That's because you're a stupid cunt.

Mr.Hazard
03-30-2007, 08:36 PM
I don't see any mistakes. I think its great ^__^

A comma and full-stop deficiency syndromes, how could you fail to detect that?

Also, capital letters on second rows on each paragraph was not neccesary.

psyopslayerx
04-13-2007, 05:42 AM
This is nice and also interesting, Nice touch on the rhyme scheme :)
The fact that the poetry does not need to rhyme is true which poetry is simply you :) Nice poem though short and sweet and right on the point

TK
04-17-2007, 11:05 PM
I don't see any mistakes. I think its great ^__^

this is a very bad sign for anybody's poetry

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