09-22-2007, 05:53 AM
Just my *cough*SCHOOL AWARD WINNING poem*cough*. it appears i am better at this now:

I begin to walk down a dark desolate street
The scent of flowers and the swift summer breeze fill my body
With a passionate love longing for a purpose
I see your face briskly emerge through the darkness
With glimmering eyes watching me through the spiny leaves on pine trees that surround me

The closer I get, the more my heart speeds
But as I watch your face come forth to me you stop quick
I run for you but cannot accept the loss I see before my eyes
Take me with you, and my dry breathless lungs along as well

The sands of time run low on me
As my running comes to a paralyzing halt
And I see you stare toward me with those shining eyes
And you fall down to the floor in an agonizing bullet-fed pain

I watch the wound grow deeper and deeper as your shirt absorbs the blood
And your glimmering eyes cry soft tears as your body soon falls to the ground
I can move again, but sure enough you�ve died
As a pool lay under you of red water, like a river
Of my sins and mistakes I�ve made throughout my short life

I want to come with you, I think mind bending thoughts
As I cry above your lifeless body
I am full of deep anguish and pain not known to any man who lives
And then my eyes quickly spawn pupils of the morning
Just a mere dream I know it seemed so vivid to me
Hey, don�t let it happen to you
When you follow me home today

09-22-2007, 01:27 PM
I'm just gonna say, asking people not to look if they are not gonna post good stuff is gonna attract alot of unwanted attention.

09-22-2007, 03:53 PM
A good writer (poet or otherwise), learns to accept constructive critcism, in order to better what they do. If you're only looking for "That's great!" comments because you got a school award for it, don't expect to ever improve. And I don't think the "school award" will impress many around here.

Granted, the critcism most people receive in this forum isn't always the most constructive, but if that's the case, simply ignore it. However, I think you'd be pretty retarded to ignore any criticism that you get.

J. Peterman
10-06-2007, 07:42 AM

10-07-2007, 02:23 AM
I did not read the poem, but I laughed my ass off at the idiotic thread title.

10-13-2007, 10:57 PM
whelp that was terrible

10-14-2007, 07:05 AM

10-14-2007, 08:41 PM
It says 'only read if ur gonna comment good stuff', and I really can't make that kind of promise. So I won't read it.

10-14-2007, 09:36 PM
I think he wanted people to say bad stuff really.

10-15-2007, 01:47 AM
honestly though who would read that and then decide "hey this deserves an award"

J. Peterman
10-15-2007, 01:48 AM
I don't think I was ever good at writing poems.

10-15-2007, 05:05 AM

10-29-2007, 08:36 AM
Since the OP only wants "good stuff..."

Congrats on the school award.