Palawelis
05-16-2008, 08:47 PM
I'll add beat and record it as soon as i have myself a proper mic and made myself a phat beat, keep it cool, otherwise here is the song.


(Chorus)
The time is slow the game got to go
The show is on and let us get it done
Revert the song and regret the undone

(Verse 1)
First was the jail second try was to bail
Escape from hell cops be chasing my tail
It is a sad day and life is a broken way
Life is like a prey being stalked anyday
Got tazed and locked inside a dark cage
Felt the hellfire blazing inside the hot cage
Sentenced for fifteen years of broken tears
Fought with fear the living dream of nightmare
If there only was a secret way to revert time
By using the mind rellocate and convert time
Inside the penintentary writing down rhymes
What must be done to cure the fate of hatred
Am i the only one to be known as the patriot
Damn this is a mess and life is on test
I delivered a pest and ruined the rest

(Chorus)

(Verse 2)
Before the jail before the broken hell
Life was fair and weird before the Jail Cell
Mama had no job and daddy working hard
Daddy was physically harmed and mentally scarred
It was hard to obtain money without a job
Couple months i got a job thanks to my homie Rob
I raised funds slowly but what else could i do
Money was a issue yet there are worse things going on the news
Talking about food, food was no trouble
Paying house rent and bills was a struggle
Last of all i got sick of all and started doing crime
I was alone my mind gone rogue and then it was the time
Robbed the bank, gave it a try saw people cried
Holding my gun on my right hand i started to fry
Clicking the trigger swinging my gun right and left
People started to run hide from fear from the mess
Blood on my hand on my chest and on my face
It happened so fast nobody last i was alone and safe
Police siren coming, and i stand alone as a mindless criminal
I felt a spiritual flow around me alone and individual

(Chorus)

(Verse 3)
Flash back and forth remember the past
Things happened so fast couldn’t drink up my glass
I saw the dead inside my corrupted head
Thinking and drinking from my glass wondering ahead
The crime the absolute mind of a crazy guy
The time i spent i wrote the rhyme lazy guy
Regret and anger comes in sight
Ruined my life screwed my right
On the shooter’s night fought my fight
Felt the flow it was slow saw the light
The power to revert the power to convert
Past and forth see the future imagine the birth
Earth is cold and restless soul to avenge from the dirt
Until i had a vision it was all black and white
I saw me with the Mac-11 shooting every sight
Closed my eyes i saw the skies moving fast
I saw gunshots blazing hell it was a blast
And last of all i saw my dad walking
Then on the kitchen i saw my mom talking
Opened my eyes and here i am watching
On my chair infront of my computer stalking

(Chorus)

Locke_FF36
05-17-2008, 03:52 AM
Only rap songs will have non-poetic words like "computer", & "kitchen". Pick up a Instrument and stop polluting the earth with hip hop.

J. Peterman
05-17-2008, 05:53 AM
hip hop
pit

KREAYSHAWN
05-17-2008, 12:15 PM
Only rap songs will have non-poetic words like "computer", & "kitchen". Pick up a Instrument and stop polluting the earth with hip hop.

:facepalm:

RikkuYunaRinoa
05-17-2008, 06:22 PM
Only rap songs will have non-poetic words like "computer", & "kitchen". Pick up a Instrument and stop polluting the earth with hip hop.

Wow. You can be a total cunt when you want to be.

execrable gumwrapper
05-17-2008, 08:17 PM
So... what is the rap about?

doomjockey
05-18-2008, 04:09 AM
Only rap songs will have non-poetic words like "computer", & "kitchen". Pick up a Instrument and stop polluting the earth with hip hop.

Read more.

Robert Frost - The Kitchen Chimney (http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/robertfrost/12111)

Francis Scarfe - Kitchen Poem (http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/kitchen-poem/)

J. Peterman
05-18-2008, 08:34 AM
i am bored here is a rap song i will make up

RAP SONG

Motha f'er I said you a ho
Bust down my house i mess up you know
Oh man my pony it made out of glass
My two cent hooker goin' to kick yo' a

Down the street from the gay barber shop
I saw a transvestite hooker she was looking hot
All that crack I betta stop playin'
You boys and girls oh you know what I'm sayin'

Motha f'er I said you a ho
Bust down my house i mess up you know
Oh man my pony it made out of glass
My two cent hooker goin' to kick yo' a

I wake up the whore they say I'm a b
So I take out my car and drive down the ditch
Optimus Prime he hooks up the bomb
Drops it down da pipe as I sing this song

Motha f'er I said you a ho
Bust down my house i mess up you know
Oh man my pony it made out of glass
My two cent hooker goin' to kick yo' a

So hooker now I'm flying straight up the sky
Robot airplane even bakes me a pie
Shoot straight up looking down at that cat
Going to play me some Super Mario Bat

execrable gumwrapper
05-18-2008, 10:25 AM
Epic as always, Gara!

Ngrplz
05-19-2008, 12:08 AM
I miss Phoenix Wright :(

ROKI
05-19-2008, 05:12 PM
Garamond owns this thread!

discodan
05-19-2008, 05:52 PM
can't say i dig either rhyme....

i hear theres a N.W.A. reunion, and they looking for someone to replace Eazy-E, i think gara has a shot

Palawelis
05-19-2008, 10:04 PM
I must say Garamond is a good rapper honestly. :) Ah well, didn't recieve any positive feedback or didn't recieve any at all. However, i think rap is not a place to post here but everyone is entitled to their opinion. ;)

discodan
05-19-2008, 10:22 PM
it doesnt suck, rhyme-wise.
it seems a bit long-winded and scatterd though.

u have 15 bars then 17, then 21.

tighten it up, cut 1/4 and find a ghetto hook as an anchor in each verse.

J. Peterman
05-19-2008, 11:36 PM
man i don't know who eazy-e is but brotha i am ten times the superman he is

discodan
05-19-2008, 11:50 PM
man i don't know who eazy-e is but brotha i am ten times the superman he is

ehh, died of aids, so your probably rite

J. Peterman
05-20-2008, 01:54 AM
man my bad pay my respect holmes

Locke_FF36
05-20-2008, 03:22 AM
I must say Garamond is a good rapper honestly. :) Ah well, didn't recieve any positive feedback or didn't recieve any at all. However, i think rap is not a place to post here but everyone is entitled to their opinion. ;)

Yea, Rap is in every way - a negative cloud on the entire world. It has a place nowhere. Its corrupt like barack obama & the Clintons.

execrable gumwrapper
05-20-2008, 03:37 AM
Yea, Rap is in every way - a negative cloud on the entire world. It has a place nowhere. Its corrupt like barack obama & the Clintons.


:facepalm:

J. Peterman
05-20-2008, 03:53 AM
oh man a republican here at ffshrine locke_ff36 man suikoden now this you are oh baby high five!

Locke_FF36
05-20-2008, 02:47 PM
oh man a republican here at ffshrine locke_ff36 man suikoden now this you are oh baby high five!

Not a Republican either. At least not this year, I dont like any of our candidates. So mabey closer to elections.

J. Peterman
05-20-2008, 07:28 PM
man calling clinton a whore is good enough in my book

discodan
05-20-2008, 09:09 PM
man calling clinton a whore is good enough in my book

Lol, and her strange resemblence to Jack Nicholson as Joker!

"Hubba Hubba Hubba, Money Money Money"! "Who do you trust"!?!?

Palawelis
05-20-2008, 09:57 PM
it doesnt suck, rhyme-wise.
it seems a bit long-winded and scatterd though.

u have 15 bars then 17, then 21.

tighten it up, cut 1/4 and find a ghetto hook as an anchor in each verse.

Discodan, i really appreciated your feedback, i thank you very much. It will likely to help me improve you know. Thanks. ;)

Palawelis
05-20-2008, 09:59 PM
Oh, and Locke, i am not going to be mad or anything but i have to be honest and say you are a troll. If you don't have anything good to say other than bashing Hip-Hop with your nonsene please, don't bother reading this topic at all, or don't bother posting, thank you. ;)

Ngrplz
05-20-2008, 11:22 PM
Rhyming is serious business!

discodan
05-20-2008, 11:40 PM
no prob,

audi5000

TeknoBlade
05-23-2008, 10:14 PM
So... what is the rap about?

lol it is a rap. It doesn't have to make sense as long as it uses colloquialisms and improper grammar. That is why Garamond's rap is good.

Withope
06-01-2008, 06:30 AM
The chorus is three bars/lines. are you leaving one bar reserved for something? just curious.

a personal song. i cee i cee.

in the second verse, i would suggest making your flow more steady. Eliminate some syllables if you can.

Usually it's best to write with the beat. I would suggest that for your next piece. I would also suggest thinking about what you want to say before saying something merely to rhyme. I was a bit confused at parts of your song.

keep in mind how much the beat reserves for a verse. most music reserves an even number (usually 8, 12, 16, 24, or 32 bars/lines).

Palawelis
06-01-2008, 12:15 PM
The chorus is three bars/lines. are you leaving one bar reserved for something? just curious.

a personal song. i cee i cee.

in the second verse, i would suggest making your flow more steady. Eliminate some syllables if you can.

Usually it's best to write with the beat. I would suggest that for your next piece. I would also suggest thinking about what you want to say before saying something merely to rhyme. I was a bit confused at parts of your song.

keep in mind how much the beat reserves for a verse. most music reserves an even number (usually 8, 12, 16, 24, or 32 bars/lines).

Thank you a lot! I have recently been focusing on the beat and learned about the bars thing. It is getting better now, will soon post a new one. Thanks a lot :)

Chaos_XIII
06-08-2008, 10:45 PM
Does any one need a DJ for the songs?

Palawelis
06-08-2008, 10:53 PM
Chaos, you're a DJ? If so, mind if we could talk through PM?

Chaos_XIII
06-08-2008, 11:04 PM
Chaos, you're a DJ? If so, mind if we could talk through PM?

Glad to hear some one interested! Then lets procede the conversation over PM.

Arkhetype
07-22-2008, 04:14 PM
Only rap songs will have non-poetic words like "computer", & "kitchen". Pick up a Instrument and stop polluting the earth with hip hop.

Stop Polluting the world with your life. Grab a gun and end your existance. Do so now....yeah right now.

Arkhetype
07-22-2008, 04:18 PM
Palawelis - The rhyming is good there are a couple of points where you need to work on some of the wordplay. The first section was tight. I pictured the jail cell and all that. I think you need to redesign your rhymes to incorporate the concept of prison.

Overall not bad just need to tweak it. Keep working at it.

Peace.

Palawelis
07-22-2008, 09:44 PM
Palawelis - The rhyming is good there are a couple of points where you need to work on some of the wordplay. The first section was tight. I pictured the jail cell and all that. I think you need to redesign your rhymes to incorporate the concept of prison.

Overall not bad just need to tweak it. Keep working at it.

Peace.

Thanks homie, i really love your feedback. I want to learn and to improvise, thank you so much mad props! ;)

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