11-05-2008, 03:26 AM
Please share with me any non-grammar mistakes I made for the future.
Also you can skip to the bolded page number to skip the part that really brings no story except to say these guys are reading some book an old guy translated.

Y:92 - D:28 - M:13
"Hey, Jake, look over here, it's some old book!" said Jake's best friend, Ron. Jake responded with a quick "HOLD ON!", as he said this Ron took it upon himself to open the odd book he had found, inside was language he could not understand. Jake finally came over and quickly screamed out "WHAT THE---!?" Ron quickly shushed him and continues flipping through the pages, upon page 9024 (in an alien text) they found Human Dialect, the Grahlm language. The Grahlm language was invented by the man named Grahama Labm to unify the humans against the tyranny of the Reszians, meaning tiger people. They read on to find that it said this...

-=Bottom of the Book of Salvation: Chapter 98=-
I have been translating this book for 12 years now, I have grown old and weary and it is growing increasingly cumbersome to write, I fear I may not have much longer to decipher this book, please listen to me whomever acquires this artifact of legends, upon the last page I hid away a script reciting all of the letters and their translation, if anyone can finish this for me...I BEG OF YOU DO SO! This will affect all of mankind.
Page 9025:
There were 3 groups, all of which claiming to be the Knights of Salvation, the first group Sykes and his little brother Dain. The next group consisted of four of the best friends to exist. Their names were Leon, Galza, Cyan, and the beautiful woman Azial. The next group consisted of only 3, all women.
Page 9026:
The first group of two, they named themselves the Matyr Brothers. They lived in the city of Aurial, where their story begins...
"Hey! Sykes how are you huh, huh!?" doted his little brother, Dain.
"I'm fine Dain, why are you here? You should still be helping mother guard the house like a good little boy."
"No way bro! I'm too old for that stuff!" at this point screaming in annoyance. "Yeah, yeah, whatever Dain, just go help mom with chores."
"Fine..." Dain walks away with his head down somewhat sad that he was told to buzz off again.
Two soldiers, Dale and Hichan come running up, exasperating and very shocked. "What's wro---" Sykes got interrupted as the soldiers gaspingly shouted "M-MONSTER!!"
Page 9028:
Quickly Sykes turned to the towering white gate and saw a massive black dragon with a purple underlining and several shadow knights raiding and burning the once safe city, they were quickly advancing towards that position.
Sykes sweated as he beheld the raid, and suddenly felt his muscles contracting, soon after he realized his brother may very well be in danger, without hesitation he ran towards his house, half out of fear and a need to hide, half out of his fear for his family. As he was running and he heard a loud boom and looked up, upon which grasping sight of a house falling down. He stood there frozen, as the house fell ontop of him, crushing his bones. Meanwhile, Dain had also seen the advancing black flames, and stood there shaken, afterwards running for his life, ignoring his mom's warnings completely working out of instinct. His mom chased closely after him to secure his safety, the boy however stopped in his tracks and the mom had accidentally run into him. They both looked up with horror, completely surrounded by the black flame enveloped knights of yore. They raised the hilt of their blade and quickly both had seen naught but the blackness of hell.
Page 9029:
The village of Vallani, the Paradise of Aqua.
A young boy by the name of Cyan had just woke up. The first thought that came into his mind as always, was to report to Master Galza for his training, so he sleepily stumbled out of bed and went to put on his training gear. 4 bracelet-like weights, each weighing of around 104 ibs, and the red cloak that he had earned for becoming a fire apprentince. As he leaves the house that he loathes so deeply, he sees the two siblings coming up to greet him. Azial and Leon, they are half-raszians, and greatly descriminated against in the village, but they've found a liking for Cyan since he did not give much thought to them being Halflings. "Hi Cyan, how are you?" Azial gave a warm, caring smile as she asked. "I'm fine, but I need to go train under Master Galva, sorry I can't really talk right now." Leon finally catches up and says in a very cool manner, "Yo, anything up Cyan? I heard Chief Telleth was looking for you." in a quick response his eyes grow and bulge, "WHAT!?" "Cool down man, just go to the chief's house, Master Galva is there to."
Page 9030:
Cyan enters the chief's house, being followed by his two best friends, he bows to the chief and looks up to see red Fire Knight Armor, upon this he bursts out in joy, forgetting his manners he screams out "YES! I'M FINALLY A FIRE KNIGHT!?" "Calm down Cyan!" the chief command as he slammed the floor with his hands, immediately Cyan sat down and replied apologetically "I'm sorry Chief, it is just such a grand day for me!" "Did I not teach you manners, boy!?" screamed Galva almost angrily.
"I'm sorry master!" Cyan replied as usual to this remark. "Child of the mighty flame knight Fel, it is now your time to journey into distant lands, the Shadow Fire Knights have already attacked the city of Aurial, and their commander has fallen. This is why it is now your turn to raise the sword of the Almighty and you yourself become a Holy Nova Templar. The journey will be perilous, and the danger unsurmountable by anyone else but that of the son of Fel, you must slay Zyphos, bring peace to our kingdom Young One Cyan." "I will be coming as well to keep you in shape and continue your training boy!" Cyan looked mortified, he would have to leave the village he beheld as his most precious gift, and throw it all away, all because of his own dream to become a Fire Knight. He looked over at his friends, Azial having her hands covering her head, weeping for her only friend leaving the village. Leon is trying his best to console her and as her brother, protect her from harm. Rashly Leon screams out "Can we please come with him!? We may not have training but we can learn!" Everyone looked at him, including Azial with her soaked eyes. "What!?" exclaimed the Chief in pure shock. Galza began laughing in a deep thunderous boom. The Chief has his eyes opened, being shocked for the first time in 62 years. "I'll do my best I swear!" Azial quickly added in hopes she could join him, instead of being left in this world with not a single friend.
Page 9031:
"I think that's a great idea!" Cyan overflowing with passion at the thought of having his two best friends along with him. "No! It cannot be done, we cannot allow these vile Halflings to ever accompany our last hope!" At this everyone looked at the Chief, the one person thought not to be prejudiced against them, make such a remark. Galza rebuked with a very logical answer, which is also very illogical for his personality "I think they should come along, they are very athletic and would make for lithe warriors, not to mention with their better sight and climbing, they would be best for scouting out the terrain." "No, no, no! That is enough, they cannot go along, and that is final!" ordered the Chief "This meeting is adjourned." he decided to add on. Cyan walked out thinking of how he had left behind his friends, he retired to his room early, feeling terrible after that meeting.
Page 3032:
Forest of Veilrus
Deep in the Forest of Veilrus where light dare not tread, this forest not but a mile from Vallani, where the beasts dwell and eternal trees hide away. As the four maidens of the green rest upon to tops of the neverending sea of green-topped titans. The maidens of the green are called in this order of age, highest to lowest: Rel'Ta, Sura, Renna, and Killo. They aren't known to many, only a few whom have lived them should they be unlucky enough to enter their domain, the land by which they protect with the deadly skills of their mother and father.
Page 3033:
The father was a tiger, a fierce one no less, said to be the largest one by about 2 feet more than the second. The mother however was less fortunate, her maiden hood stolen by the tiger and being forced to give birth to quadruplits. The tiger was known as a god among beasts, and therefore did not hesitate in forcing the mother to have babies for him to nurture and teach. This did not work as well as he had hoped, the babies had come out as Raszians and he was soon killed by the new weapon discovered in the ancient world, Neolite, and the weapon was called "Gunger", or beam spear. As the tiger fell to the weapons of old, the mother was freed, however they were to late and the offspring had already been born, thus was the maidens, destined for one purpose, to live their days in the forest since birth with none to take heed. Since they had just been born, they could not fend for themselves and was taken in by another, a friend of the woman's and believed nothing should be so shunned, especially not new-borns.

11-06-2008, 02:52 AM
Well, this has got to be the, what, third time I've read this fantastic piece of work? That's right, MageKnight. It's me, Masquerade, but someone apparently already uses that name here, so now I'm GravityMage!! =3 Oh well, you know my opinion about your story already. Just can't wait for the next installment!!

11-06-2008, 04:21 AM
Jk jk, we'll talk tomorrow.

11-07-2008, 11:12 PM
Is it possible to Private Message here or not? Because I can't for some reason. I didn't know if it was just me or what?

11-07-2008, 11:57 PM
You noticed huh? It's because in your profile you set it to not accept PM's, you should change that.

11-08-2008, 12:19 AM
Well, I checked the "Edit Profile" section and all the other sections and I did not see anything about Private Messages. =<

11-09-2008, 05:01 PM
Check under "edit options" in your UCP and look at the bottom.

11-09-2008, 05:12 PM
I did not read the story, but I will say that the reason GravityMage can't PM is because he needs at least 10 posts to be able to. I think it's 10.

Either way, his post count at this point means he can't PM.



100% bis zu 120€ + 120FS




Jede Woche 10% auf Einzahlungen




100% bis zu 100€


Woo Casino

Woo Casino

€200 + 200 FS


LadyHammer Casino

LadyHammer Casino

€2500 + 2500 FS