Zhang Qi
11-23-2008, 02:57 PM
I would appreciate it if someone would review my work. It is a Lunar fanfiction about the mad wizard Taben and the looting he causes in the Town of Glaston. You do not know yet why he does this looting and the reason for the debut of his new armored weapon, the Imperator but it will be revealed in later chapters. Thank you!

Lunarian Road Warrior
Chapter 1: Urban Battle Arena

Dr. Taben knows it would be hell outside because of the shootouts and riots in Glaston City but he grins nastily. It would be the perfect time for him to test his Imperator, an armored battle engine powered by a gas turbine. With two tracks and a motor connected to each of the drive gears at the track’s ends, the Imperator could reach speeds of 120km/h despite its heavy 8cm thick steel plate armor. Taben climbs onto the fore section of the Imperator’s hull and opens a sliding hatch on top of it.
He then climbs down into the hatch and inserts a key into a hole on the shaft of the machine’s steering wheel. The starter dial connected to the keyhole has three settings, AC, Auto-Charge and Engine. When set to AC, the hybrid Imperator uses its lithium-ion battery pack for electric power and in Auto-Charge an energy sensor checks the power levels of the battery and starts the gas turbine engine automatically when the battery power is low, and of course the Engine setting is used for manually starting the engine.
He turns the key to Auto-Charge, knowing that the hybrid Imperator’s battery pack got a full charge last night and then turns the transmission dial from Park to Drive. He then steps on the gas pedal and the motors make whooshing sounds as the chain tracks bite into the ground inside his garage. The Imperator quickly rolls out into the violent streets. Taben then pulls out a remote control and presses a button which closes his iron garage doors automatically. He then turns left into the dirt road and steps on the gas pedal, accelerating the Imperator to high speeds and kicking up dust in the process.


“Die you son of a bitch!” A man shouts firing his pistol at an enemy in the distance. The enemy hides behind a barrel which shields him from the bullets.
The man then ducks behind a wall and loads a paper cartridge into the breech of his pistol. The paper cartridge is an innovation borrowed from the Meg Belly Gang, a gang of mafia machinists on the Glaston East Side, it is basically a bullet and powder charge wrapped in a neat little paper package. This cartridge system thus makes reloading easier as the bullet and gunpowder could both be slipped into a gun in one easy step.
The man, a gray skinned goblin then comes out and fires another shot at his enemy, hitting him in the head and killing him instantly. He then reloads, cocks the hammer of his pistol then tries to fire another shot, this time at another man but his aim is thwarted and he ends up shooting a lamp instead. He is shot in the chest by a slow walking militia man from the Meg Belly Gang covered in thick 4cm iron bulletproof armor. The militia man of Meg Belly is the most feared of the gang warriors in Glaston, he may be a slow trotting warrior but he is bulletproof and armed with two revolver pistols, fearsome self loading pistols that fire six shots continuously before running out of ammo.
“Oh no, the Meg Belly’s have arrived! Let’s make a run for it!” The other budding Mafioso’s are scared away by the armored militia man except for one group: the Pyromaniacs, arsonists who manufacture bombs, incendiaries and many other fireworks.
“Ready the frag grenade!” One of the Pyromaniacs listens to the orders of his boss, a gaudily dressed man in a red vest, beret, pointy boots and yellow breeches.
He then takes out a hollow iron ball and lights a wick inserted into its hole. He throws the ball at the armored militia man and the ball explodes, making a thundering shockwave and releasing shrapnel and smoke in the process. The militia man’s armor is pierced and he falls to the ground, several pieces of metal are lunged into his chest coating it in red blood. Then suddenly several more armored militia men march into the town square. One of them armed with a multi-barreled mechanical gun called a Gatling gun, a product of the Meg Belly’s ‘Witch Works Industrial Sorcery TM’.
The militia man with the multi barreled gun turns a crank at its breech and the multi barrels, six of them all in all, rotate and in a few seconds each one starts spitting out bullets at a rate of hundreds of rounds a second, making noise that can be likened to a carpenter hammering thousands of nails into a plank of wood at lightning speed. The bullets of the machine gun bore hundreds of holes into the Pyromaniacs and ignite their stockpile of grenades causing all of them to be blown to bits.
“That’s it for the Pyromaniacs. But now what about the Ogres?” a man who appears to be the leader of the platoon of militia men asks aloud.
“We’ll know in a moment sir! They’re coming!” a militia man says fearfully as he points to the monstrous beastly men being two stories in height and wielding axes.
The Ogres are massive creatures indeed and when they run towards their enemies they greet them with the ground shaking menacingly and the air thick with thumping sounds. The Ogres are barbaric and large but they have one weakness: they’re dumb. They show no strategy at all in battle and count on raw force to crush their enemies. The Ogres clash with the Meg Belly’s, the Meg Belly’s though armed with rapid fire guns including a machine gun still have difficulty killing the Ogres as they have massive bodies that would take several gunshots to damage. Some of the Ogres manage to crush the armored men with their heavy axes while their own men are brought down by blood loss from the bullet wounds. In the middle of the violent clash, a heavy grinding sound is suddenly heard.


Taben rolls his Imperator into the town square and stares at the flat screen monitor in his driver’s seat. He had installed this wonderful feature as it allows him to see the front and rear of his armored machine via CCTV cameras.
He sees the ogres and militia men staring at his creation and thinks. Behold my monstrous mechanical wonders you ignorant infidels!
He then sets the Imperator’s transmission dial to Park and places his hand on a crank at the dashboard. He turns the crank counter clockwise while looking at a screen that displays the camera feedback from his Imperator’s cannon turret. The video feed from the cannon is shown on a different screen which has a crosshairs painted on it that allows the gunner to lock onto the target. As the turret turns to face the cannon towards the brawlers, the video feed from a camera atop the cannon shows the ogres and militia men with the crosshairs trained onto them. The militia men and ogres are anxious, the armored men fire shots at the Imperator but their bullets ricochet off its tough plating. The Ogres try to shatter the armor with their axes but their own axes crack at the steel armor’s sheer strength.
I’ll take a moment and savor your ignorant fascination before killing all of you! Taben thinks excitedly as he decides what weapon to fire, the automatic cannon or the machine gun on top of it?
The automatic cannon and machine gun he designed are truly revolutionary. They both fire rocket propelled shells and bullets which are fed into their breeches automatically by belts of ammunition numbering up to 10,000 for the machine gun and 60 for the cannon. The firing mechanism is simple; it is a piezoelectric switch button that generates an electric current when depressed and conducts the current to wires that directly touch the rocket in the firing chamber. When the current hits the metal rocket, it is conducted to the powder charge within it which explodes and propels the conical projectile out of the smoothbore barrel at supersonic speeds. The bullets and shells then accelerate to Mach 14 and generate powerful shockwaves upon crashing into their targets, a one meter shockwave for the 20mm bullets and a twenty meter blast wave for the 120mm shells.
Taben then decides to press onto the button atop the crank’s handle with his thumb and a burst of machine gun fire is shot out at a rapid rate. A buzzing sound fills the air as thousands of rounds per minute of gun fire sweep the ogres and militia men. The hypersonic speed of the bullets blow holes through both of the tough bodied adversaries. Taben turns the crank back and forth while pressing on the machine gun button to deliver a spray of rapid fire that kills off all of the remaining gangsters in the town square in mere seconds.
After all of the people in the square have fallen, Taben satisfied by his victory, drives the Imperator forward, crushing all the bodies to make sure they are really dead before stopping in front of a bag of money by the announcer’s podium in the square. He then opens a hatch at the bottom section of the hull which covers the driver’s cockpit and pulls in the money bag by his arm. He isn’t stupid enough to get out of his armored enclosure, lest he run the risk of getting shot down by javelins thrown down by the Sirens, a gang of light blue skinned, flying maidens that scavenge for treasure at every gang battle.
This is how it is in Glaston, a town where the law looks the other way almost any day. The people struggle to survive amidst famine, disease, crime and catastrophe while gangsters settle their monetary problems and social grievances by battling to the death in the town square where all combatants leave their money by the podium and whoever is left standing claims all of it. In this case, the brown skinned, bearded and middle aged goblin inventor by the name of Taben is the winner, though he entered into the fight uninvited and crushed his enemies in a one-sided battle. He closes the lower hatch and drives through the podium, crushing it utterly before driving off to the next battle.
This day is going to be a field day indeed! Taben laughs maniacally as he steps on the gas and his Imperator rolls off into the bright sky-less morning of the Frontier.

Zhang Qi
11-23-2008, 02:59 PM
Lunarian Road Warrior
Chapter 2: Enter the Mystics

The Mystic’s Library in Glaston is quite an eyesore. It is a building in the Marissan School of Divination where hopeless lunatics of the Lesati, also called the ‘Vile Tribe’ by the misunderstanding humans, pray to Althena still thinking that they have got a chance at salvation from the Goddess that cast them away from the Green Earth. The mystics are able to cast magic now and then but in a limited way such as wiping floors clean and causing warts to grow on enemies. The people of Glaston give enough deference to the mystics, and even the gangs fear their magic; after all skin disease is an unpleasant ailment.
Nevertheless, the Mystic’s Library is important because it is where information is kept about secret documents of ancient times regarding the creation of Lunar and Earth, or the Blue Star according to humans and beastmen, and the rise of the mystical Magic Empire that owed its allegiance to the God or Gods of war. Taben never feared nor deferred to the Gods, he believed them vain and mortal like all living beings. After all if the Gods are almighty like any scripture of the world has adamantly declared, then why do people still suffer so?
Taben continues his drive down the streets and heads towards the Mystic’s Library, unafraid of their magic as steel plate armor provides good shielding from magical energy fields. He rolls down the road at great speed, crushing any carriage or civilian that gets in his way.


“Sister Luna Maria, what chance do we stand against this Taben? We have all heard of his triumph at the gang battle just a few hours ago. If he brings his metal monster to our library, we could all be crushed or worse our books could get burned!”
“Quell your fears Luisa, that heretic’s witchcraft can’t stand up to us, no matter how beastly or destructive his creation he can’t win against those who are protected by Althena.” Luna Maria replies while she stands at the entrance of the library with an army of fifty mystics ready to defend the library with their lives.
Luna Maria Hawke is one of the students of the Library, she is beautiful having fair skin, dark red hair hanging down to her neck and piercing violet eyes. She is also intelligent, being one of the top ranking students of the Marissan School of Divination and an expert in water and wind element magic, a rare talent in the magic scarce land of the Frontier. She and Luisa are dressed in the female uniform of the Mystic School which consists of a brown button down shirt, a beige short skirt, dark brown leggings and ankle boots.
“And besides we’ve got three Rocs on our side and with them, all of our enemies can bite the dust or turn into it.” Luna Maria comments.
The Rocs are mystical birds that can turn enemies to stone with their magical screeches. They are large creatures, being about five meters in length with a wingspan of seven meters. The powerful creatures were borrowed from the Gakuden Riders who used to fly them in the sky before Althena came to Lunar. The trouble is when the Lesati were banished to the Frontier lands, the magical hold the Gakuden had on the Rocs diminished and most of the birds started going insane and had to be slaughtered, sometimes even eaten by the desperate Lesati races. When Luna Maria said the Rocs are on their side, she meant that the Rocs could be unleashed from their cages and allowed to maul enemies, after which the Mystics would use their magic to once again imprison the creatures.
Luna Maria and Luisa wait anxiously along with the other 49 students brave enough to volunteer in defending the school. In a few minutes the Imperator’s grinding sounds can be heard as its tracks roll into the avenue in front of the campus. The students tensely wait for the Imperator to burst through their walls though they hope that the magical wards that they’ve placed on the campus walls would stop the monstrosity.


These magical wards are tougher than I thought! Taben thinks as he tries to ram his armored machine through to the Marissan campus’ wall.
He then gives up ramming as it is a waste of precious fuel and energy and pulls back from the wall. He aims his cannon at the wall and fires a burst of shell fire. In one shot the shockwave of his hypersonic shell shatters the wall and the barrier around it, causing a violent explosion that knocks down most of the Marissan students. He triumphantly rolls the Imperator into the school grounds and turns on the Imperator’s speaker phone.
“I am Doctor Taben Hellstorm! And I come for only one thing, give me a copy of your Masedran archives and you will all be spared. Resistance is futile! All those who fight back will be annihilated!”
“We’ll never hand those over to you! You damned old windbag! That information’s only privy to a select few, and we’ll never ever hand to a decrepit old crackpot like you!” Luna Maria stands up and wipes off some blood on her lip which she got when a piece of shrapnel cut her mouth during the explosion.
“Oh is that so little girl? You’re just as ignorant as the Ogres and Meg Belly’s! Once you taste the Imperator’s power, all of you will yield!” Taben angrily turns on a crank that lowers the barrel assembly mounted on the dome shaped turret of his machine. He takes careful aim at Luna Maria and prepares to fire a burst of machine gun rounds.
Luna Maria uses her wind magic to propel herself back up the steps of the Library’s entrance. “Shin, Release the Rocs!” Luna cries out to a black haired man standing beside three magically protected cages.
The man places his palms together and begins chanting some indecipherable words. In a few minutes the cages’ stone doors flip open and the ravenous Rocs step out. The creatures wail loudly and Taben is nearly deafened by the noise however he turns down the input volume from the external auditory receiver and his ears are spared. He is not turned to stone because the magic energy dissipated by the Rocs’ is deflected off his Imperator’s armor. He turns his turret over to the three wailing, salivating birds and fires shots from his rocket machine gun. The shots dismember the creatures, scattering their bloody flesh all over the campus grounds.
“Damn! What do we do now?” Shin nearly panics.
“We’re not giving up; prepare to cast magic on Taben’s machine!” Luna Maria barks orders, being the leader of the student council.
“Aye ma’am!” Shin shouts as he prepares to shoot magic icicles at the Imperator.
The icicles shatter upon hitting the steel armor and other spells such as Luna’s gales and floods do little to damage Taben’s war engine.
I’ve got water proofing you idiots! Taben thinks haughtily. He expertly designed his Imperator to float on water and had the engine’s exhaust pipe fitted with a watertight filter to prevent fluids from entering it. He fires a warning shot at the ground with his auto-cannon which digs a massive crater.
“I’m giving one last warning; I’d hate to burn down centuries of knowledge simply because I’m denied a copy of the Masedran archives!”
“Alright, have it your way!” Luna Maria shouts at Taben bitterly, clenching her fists, reluctant to surrender. “Come with me!” She cries out.
“I’m not about to leave the safety of my wonderful machine, you’re going to have to get it for me, my dear.”
“Fine!” she storms angrily into the library and prepares to make a copy of the three volume encyclopedia comprising the ancient archives.
The master copies of the archives are actual books but the reproductions are condensed into compact magic books called Ink-Layers. The Ink-Layers magically display ink onto self erasing pages and the reader of the book simply needs to type the page number on a numerical keypad and the chosen page will display itself. This makes it easier to carry the book and it also saves space. Luna Maria places the books into a special magic cabinet from ancient times called a mesographer which copies the information into the Ink-Layer. In a few minutes the copying is finished and she takes the new copy outside to hand it over to Taben.
Taben is tense as the delivery is conducted. He instructs Luna Maria to approach the Imperator alone. Taben then readies the Thermo Beam grafted into his right hand. It is a special weapon that fires heat rays. The Thermo Beam can reach infinite lengths and draws its energy from Taben’s body, a body which he bionically enhanced to allow for the consumption of diesel fuel in order to increase his internal energy levels and power his beam weapon.
He opens the lower hatch of his cockpit and aims his heat ray close to Luna Maria’s neck. “I could chop off your head if you do anything funny.
Luna glares at Taben nervously as she kneels on her right knee and hands over the copy of the archives, the heat of the thermal beam causing her to sweat profusely. Taben grabs the Ink Layer copy and places analog detector leads embedded in his left index and middle finger on the magic book. The analog detector leads allow Taben to scan for electron discharge from Ink-Layer books and decipher some of their information in seconds.
“It’s genuine alright. You can leave now, there’s nothing left for me in here.” Taben shoos Luna away and she disdainfully stands up and takes a few steps back.
Taben quickly places his Imperator in reverse and drives backward kicking up some dust as he rolls out of the campus.
“That bastard’s gonna pay for this!” Luna clenches her fists and stares at the destruction wrought by Taben on their school.
After Taben has left, a stranger walks into campus. “You know, if you guys want to beat him, you’re going to have to try a different approach.” A young male voice declares.
“Who goes there?” Shinn cries out and launches an icicle at the stranger.
“Nope that won’t scratch me at all.” The guy declares arrogantly. He is dressed in thick iron armor and has a bucket shaped helmet covering his head.
“A militia man? Now what kind of trouble are we going to have?” Luna cries out as she tries to push the man down with wind gales.
“None at all ma’am,” the man struggles to speak in the strongly blowing winds as he takes off his helmet. He is a handsome blue eyed young man with short brown hair, and bangs hanging down to his forehead.
“An elf? Why would you be hanging out with those Meg Belly’s they’re total jerk offs!
“Now, now we’re all of the same kind here, no need for that harsh tone of voice, besides the Meg Belly’s ain’t so bad!” the young man replies. He, Luna Maria, and Shinn are elves, distinguished by their human features and pointy ears.
“Alright then, if you’re not here to fight, then what are you standing around for… scram!” Shinn shouts at the young man as he prepares to launch icicles at the boy’s now bare head.
Shin Asuka is more hot headed than the other students though his looks have earned the admiration of some girls including Luna Maria. His black hair hangs down to his neck and is unkempt, while his dark red eyes are narrow and focused and his nose is straight and pointed. He is dressed in the male uniform of the Marissan School which is composed of a brown jacket, a beige button down shirt, brown trousers and leather boots tucked underneath the pants.
“You guys hold it for a sec! Shin let’s hear what this guy has to say alright?” Luna blows away the icicles and orders Shin to stand down.
“Fine, whatever,” Shin glares at the boy and takes a step back.
“Now where was I? After I was so rudely interrupted… I’m Mike Colton, and yes one of the militia men, but so what? We were crushed by that same A-hole just a few hours ago.”
“Watch your language Mike; we don’t curse like that around here.” Luna comments. Though less vulgar curse words like jerk off are allowed in Marissan.
“Alright then, but the point is we have a common enemy now and I have just the ticket to beating him.”
“We’ve got to take some of these lead plates to the Omoshiro Mountains.” Mike points to lead plates stored in a horse drawn wagon parked outside the school.
“Hold it, no way am I going back there, I can’t and won’t face the Gakuden riders after I quit on them.” Shin comments, he was disenchanted by the Gakuden’s slaughter of the many legendary Rocs especially after the Roc that he delighted in riding was killed in front of him.
“The Omoshiro Mountains are a long mountain range. We’re not going to the Gakuden Fortress up north we’re going to the southwestern tip of the range and speaking to crank by the name of Kester Lee. The guy’s a nut but he’s a genius and we’ll need his help to deal with a guy like this. Now I’m gonna need volunteers to escort me there.
“Why don’t you just get your buddies at the Meg Belly’s Witch Works to help you with that? Luna asks.
“Because this particular project involves divination and a little magic. So who’s coming?” Mike gestures looking at the students that now surround him.
“I’m going.” Luna says.
“Me too,” Shin volunteers.
“Count me in,” Luisa also joins.
“Fine then, we’ve got quite a team here. And Luna, go get the magic books on wind and lightning magic.” Mike comments but no one finds his retort amusing, all the students are just anxious to stop Taben and his dangerous Imperator. Luna returns to the library to get the text books while the other two volunteers speak with Mike and he shows them the wagon outside the campus. The three students and the militia man then ride off into the mountains due northwest. They’ve got a long journey ahead and Mike has packed plenty of food for the trip.

execrable gumwrapper
11-23-2008, 05:24 PM
What the fuck? Learn to post in the correct forum, dipshit.

11-24-2008, 06:14 PM
Oh, who cares what forum it's in? It's garbage either way; puerile, boring tripe that only his own mother or a certified retard could compliment. Please note that complimenting this story in itself counts as a certification of retardation if you don't already possess one.

11-24-2008, 06:38 PM
Prak. You said you would PM me a draft of the first chapter of CoT.

(I didn't say the name for spoiler reasons.. Wouldn't want anyone stealing the idea.)

Zhang Qi
11-25-2008, 05:20 AM
If you liked it that much I can post some more of my chapters at your pleasure.

11-25-2008, 05:24 AM
*yawn* Why are all fanboys so hysterically sensitive? :o