execrable gumwrapper
07-02-2009, 03:00 AM
My legs fold from under me and I fall to the ground. Catching myself with my hands, I gasp for air. I can feel blood trickling down my left arm, to my hand and spreading on the floor. My right hand tightly holding a knife, blood staining the blade. My eyes open wide in shock and the room begins to spin as panic slowly creeps on me.

"What have I done?" I think to myself. The room spins faster now and the color drains from the walls, floor, ceiling and furniture. I bring my hand up and wipe my eyes, forgetting the blood still present on it. My eyes begin to burn and I am unable to see. I scream in pain but no one hears me.

No one ever hears me.

No one wants to hear me.

I use my arms and drag my body across the floor. I need to get to water. My arm is getting numb and I can barely feel my legs anymore. My vision is of no use and I soon run into a wall. I begin to hyperventilate as more fear sets in. I feel tears roll down my face as the knowledge of my fate becomes clear.

"This is how it ends," my thoughts tell me, "blinded, crippled and unable to do a damned thing about it. And it's all your fault." My breathing has become shallow. I am unable to move my body any more. I am cold, shivering. My heart is a faint whisper in my chest. I open my mouth to cry out for help, but not even the slightest gasp escapes my lips.

The darkness finally engorges me and nary a sound remains.


Just writing, not sure if I want this to be the ending or the beginning. I tend to "Tarantino" my stories.

07-05-2009, 03:36 AM
You paint a pretty good picture, I could imagine what was going on as I read it.

Kinda dark. But I know that's what you were going for.

07-06-2009, 10:28 AM
It is impressive!!! I think it can either be the main picture or a start. Being the main picture, you need to add a beginning before it; Starting, you should have some reasons to explain the above actions. Ending, not recommend. It will become a sad story, i think not much people like it. If you want it be a sad story, you better have some good reasons to explain so that the story can be comprehensive, if not, it will be weird.