06-04-2010, 02:25 AM
A Yu-Gi-Oh! GX Fanfiction:

Rise Above � Duel 1: Duel On! Entrance Exams!

�I'm gonna be so late....� A boy with a flowing cape was running on a sidewalk to the Duel Stadium in Domino City. He was late for the Entrance Exams to get into the famous Duel Academy. He ran along the sidewalk until he saw another rode leading to the stadium. The boy looked at his watch and tripped over a rock in the ground. He was so busy trying to get there as fast as possible that he didn't realize that it was even there. The boy fell to the ground and his wallet fell onto the ground. It flew along the stone road. �M-My wallet!!�

The boy got up and ran over to his wallet. He didn't even notice that there was a man standing in front of him. He ran right into him and then fell over again. He complained with, �I-I'm so sorry about that! Did I hurt you?!�

�No. It was nothing,� The man bent over and picked up the boy's wallet. He dug into it and pulled out his ID Card. The man smiled and put it back in and said, �Kio Takura. I believe this is yours.�

The man bent down and handed the wallet over to the boy. �Wh-Why did you do that?!� The boy complained again.

�So I know how to give it back properly,� The man walked to the Duel Stadium and Kio got up off of the ground and ran over to him. He then said, �Why are you here?�

�Didn't you notice my outfit?� The man was wearing a Duel Academy Uniform of the Obelisk Blue Dorm. He had his Duel Disk latched on his arm and then asked, �Well?�

�Th-That's right! Isn't that a Duel Academy Uniform?!� Kio yelled.
�Yes it is. Obelisk Blue Dorm,� The man replied as they walked the path.
�Is this stadium where they are holding the Entrance Exams for Duel Academy?� Kio asked.

�Yes it is. Why?�
�Am I late for them?�
�You are a Student?�
�Am I late?!�
�Oh... Sorry about that. I do believe you are,� The man looked at his watch and ran to the Stadium doors.

Kio ran over and asked, �What is your name?�

The man opened the door and replied, �Since you're a student... I will let you figure that out for yourself.�

Kio blinked and then ran into the door after the man. Once in the Stadium, Kio looked around for his friend, Kyoya Otori. He had planned on meeting Kyoya there but he forgot about even coming in the first place... Kio walked up a set of stairs and saw Kyoya sitting in the stands. Kyoya looked over to Ko and then yelled, �You are late!!�

Kio ran up the rest of the stairs and then said to Kyoya, �S-Sorry about that, heh... I completely forgot about the Entrance Exams...� Kio sat down in a chair next to Kyoya and then asked, �So... How did your Exam go?�

Kyoya sat back and said, �It was incredibly easy... I don't know what they are teaching the TEACHERS....�

�Heh... That's just like you,� Kio smiled.

But then, Kio looked down and saw the man walking up other stairs. He joined a few others in different stands in on the other side of the stadium. He sat on the ledge of the stands in that area. He was standing next to a girl wearing an Obelisk Blue Uniform, as well. She had long brown hair... Even though the man's blue hair was longer..... Kio thought it was kind of funny to him. On the other side of the girl, Kio immediately recognized the man... It was Rex Goodwin... The one who sent out all of the recommendations for students and everything else to the last detail about the Academy. Kio wondered why he was here, he hardly ever appeared at anything off of the Island where the Duel Academy is.

�Do you think you got into the Obelisk Blue Dorm?� Kio turned back around to Kyoya.
�Probably,� Kyoya folded his arms together.

Kio turned around and sighed. The girl he saw took the microphone and announced to the Stadium, �Kio Takura, please come to the Arena for your Entrance Exam. Kio Takura to the Duel Ring.�

�Good luck,� Kyoya smiled.
�I guess...� Kio got up and walked down to the Duel Ring.

The man from before said to the girl, �Who is Dueling?�
�Hehe.... Daitokuji-sensei!!� The girl pointed to a Professor.
�You sure? Reiki, he might be too tough...�
�I don't really care. It's all based on performance on how well he can even MATCH him!� The girl had a big grin on her face.

�This still might be an unfair match up...�
�Don't worry. Daito-san isn't using his Alchemy Deck,� The girl assured.
�Riiiiight.........� The man sighed.

The girl with the microphone announced, �Okay!! Let's get this going! It's Duel Academy's Professor Daitokuji-sensei vs Newcomer Kio Takura! Let the match... Begin!!!�

Daitokuji put his Duel Disk on his left hand. It was the regular Duel Academy-issued Duel Disk. He put the Deck in and started the Shuffle. Kio put his Duel Disk on and Deck in. At the same time, they yelled in unison, �Let's Duel!!�

�I'll go first!� Kio shouted to the Professor as he Drew a Card.

-Kio Takura (now going): 4000 Life Points, Daitokuji: 4000 Life Points-

�Alright... I'll play Dynasty Knight in Defense Position.�

Dynasty Knight: 1000 Attack, 1500 Defense

Kio placed a card in his Spell and Trap Field and said, �I'll place one face-down and end my turn.�

�My Turn! Draw!� Daitokuji drew a card from his Deck with a grin on his face...

-Kio Takura: 4000 Life Points, Daitokuji (now going): 4000 Life Points-

He placed a Monster down and said, �I'll Summon Flame Mage in Attack Position.�

Flame Mage: 1400 Attack, 1000 Defense.

Daitokuji held out a card yelled, �I now use Magical Spectrum and increase my Mage's Attack by 1000. Now... Flame Mage... Attack Kio's Monster! Blaze Wave!�

The Mage flew into the air and waved her wand around. A Blast of Fire in a Wave came towards Dynasty Knight and destroyed it. The Mage flew in front of Kio and Daitokuji said, �Now I attack again. Special Ability!�

�Wh-What?!� Kyoya yelled.

�Flame Mage's Special Ability allows her to Attack you again at half of the Attack Points. Now... Attack again! Blaze Wave!!� Daitokuji yelled as the Mage blew another Wave of Fire.

Kio grunted and said, �D-Damn...�

�I end my turn with a face-down.�

�Tch... My turn!� Kio shouted as he pulled a card.

-Kio Takura (now going): 2800 Life Points, Daitokuji: 4000 Life Points-

�Hmph...� Kio had a grin on his face as he held up a card and yelled, �I use Shuffle and then both of us have to discard our hand, shuffle our Decks, and then Draw seven more cards!�

�Fine,� Daitokuji put his hand into the Graveyard and started shuffling his Deck.

They both Drew seven more cards and then Kio held one up and shouted again, �I'll play the Monster Card, Dynasty Warrior to the Field in Attack Position!�

�Ah-hah! I use my face-down Trap Card: Torrential Tribute! I know destroy your monster and to the Graveyard it goes!� Daitokuji raised his Trap Card.

The Monster was immediately destroyed and Kio said, �I use Dynasty Warrior's Special Ability!�

Daitokuji stepped back and yelled, �Wh-What?!� and then thought, I'm surprised... Actually... He has quite some Dueling Skills... He must know his own Deck... HE might have known he could have drawn better cards with the Shuffle Spell...

The girl watching from above had a grin on her face and said to the man, �I have a good idea about this boy... He's an excellent Duelist.... Don't you agree, Saiou-kun?�

�If you say so....� The man said, stern.
�You are so mean...� The girl said.

Another man, dressed in an Obelisk Blue Uniform, walked up the stairs to the girl and said, �R-Reiki Shutuagi...�

�Yes?� The girl kind of glared back.
�W-What placement do you think this boy should be placed in?�
�Isn't that Rex's job?!� The girl complained.
�He wanted you to decide,� The man was getting even more nervous.
�Fine... Did he attend any schools that led him to Duel Academy?� She asked.
�Actually, no, he hasn't,� The other man cut-in.
�That so?� The girl asked again.
�Y-Yes,� The nervous man said.
�Alright. His Skills are impressive. Throw him in the Ra Yellow Dorm,� The girl waved off and said, �Go now.�

�Th-thank you,� The man ran off down the stairs.

�Some of the people, I say...� The man said.

�Saiou.... Ummm....� The girl stuttered.
�Hm?� The man asked.
�U-Uh... When do you think Ed will be coming back to the Academy?� She was nervous.
�I hope soon,� The man smiled to her.
�Y-Yea!� She cheered. She leaned over the railing and cheered to Kio, �You can beat him!!�

�R-Reiki?!� Daitokuji turned around at waved his fist at her.

�R-Reiki....? That is the Reiki Shutuagi?!� Kio yelled.

Reiki was giving Kio a big grin. She already knew he was going to be a good student to look over at the Academy. But now, he need to finish the Duel with Slifer Red's Daitokuji-sensei...

10-18-2010, 04:54 AM

Darth Revan
10-18-2010, 11:55 PM

How about a little bit more of a review instead of a one word? Without positive feedback or constructive criticism, most fan fiction author's abandon their works due to lack of interest on part of the reader.

To the OP:

While I may not like Yu Gi Oh at all, the structure of your story is pretty good. Remember to balance the story out with the character relationships as well as keeping true to the universe your fan fiction is set and you should be fine.

Galad�n Nimcelithil
10-30-2010, 01:35 AM
I'm not exactly a fan of Yu Gi Oh either but I have to say you made a brave attempt with this story. Running the risk of sounding condensending, I would say that the beginning of your story had the desired effect of grabbing the readers attention. You used good discriptive 'movement' words and captured us with your beginning paragraphs. You have also given an energetic life to your piece. However the over use of dialouge and lack of description in your story ended up confusing and detracting from the plot. Also, as Death's Head has already stated, further character relationships need to be built.

If I were to give any advice at all, it would be to introduce characters a little more slowly to the readers; taking time to discribe and characterise them. Showing their interaction with others may help here.

Thanks for sharing your ideas with us. I hope that you'll keep posting and create new ideas for us to enjoy. :)